jty
ready
realizing my biggest downfall is the lack of belief
getting too old for this
earlier, i saw a glimpse of what i can become.. so it's time to work at it
thanks to all who pitched in, including those close to me, and those who are no longer a part of my life for petty reasons that i indulged in. just a shame this had to happen so late.. after the damage was done
depressed, but motivated
xx
-- attempting to free myself from the creative boundaries that I've put my mind in. i plan to release more music that feels natural to self. the isolation, the sleepless nights.. i like to think that one day, this will all pay off on a big scale. but even if it doesn't, i couldn't imagine living any other way. gotta love it
holy
great things are in store for me
soul is slowly returning to my being
just gotta find my rhythm, again
clearly haven't been spending enough time to myself, as my mind is usually idle
can only hope that I don't overdo it and "think" myself into insanity
..time to rest
title
i figure since im now claiming the title of "blogger", updating this is mandatory
over 100+ posts in 2012 alone(starting in August), it almost makes me wonder why I stopped for a while
i was always questioned "do you think you'll ever run out of things to write about"
honestly, no
the main factor that contributes to updating anything is motivation
the motivation that drove me to update my blog was depression
now, maybe im a little depressed but that isnt why I'm back
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like I said before, this feels a lot more personal
the only thing missing is my old color scheme.. which I plan to try and replicate to a certain extent
but the best part about this, is that not many people know that it exists
i only advertise my social media pages and soundcloud
but of course, if you google my name.. you're bound to find this eventually
I'm actually pretty embarrassed of a lot of the older posts on this blog, sometimes I read them and cringe due to how I tried to display my thoughts..
I would go back and delete, but I want to show growth.. or something..
high hopes for 2016..
plans to put a lot of things behind me, no more thoughts about old friends/girlfriends/grudges etc..
a new start, a new person
.. we're almost there
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doubts
my trust in a person is temporary
even in my current situation, sometimes i have my doubts
my inability to form a healthy life bonding connection hinders some growth but I'll live, I'll love again
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anyway the last couple days have been interesting
5 days straight I woke up around 7/8 am for no apparent reason and unable to get back to sleep
a few nights ago, I had a dream that I lost a tooth. I wrote this on Instagram and one of my followers had something very interesting to say in the comments
he spoke on how this symbolizes change is coming, and maybe soon
im down for that
I woke up today to see a strange pattern of numbers appearing everywhere that I looked
number of subs, 1,666
number of followers, 2,777
i then took a screen shot of the number of emails I had and tried to send it to someone but after I took the picture, I noticed the time said 10:37 am, which is the time that I was born
lack of sleep is maybe causing me to overthink these things
I tried to go to sleep around 8 only to wake up at 8:20 ish due to a bad dream, I felt like I couldn't breathe and was going to die.. then I woke up
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lots of old memories cycling through my head.. im just trying to make sense of it all
after this last fourloko, I think I'm done with drinking, I find it overrated..
anyway, im glad that i still have support out there, somewhere.. you are appreciated
(this is my first real blogpost in a looong time)
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What a surprise
I come back...MONTHS later to see that this blog has had over 10k MORE views since I left it back March. Not sure how exactly to feel about that. I may be making a return shortly for those of you who still check to see if I have anything to say.
This time, no it's not emotionally related. More or so...eh nevermind, maybe it is.
Can't say I have much to talk about. I mean I do, but I'd probably get in trouble for saying too much.
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However, you know me.
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Anyway, it is refreshing to visit. I tried tumblr but it just doesn't have the same feel. Too impersonal for my liking, and too
much porn.
This is my home, the heart.
2 years in the making. There will be more personal updates later this week. Just to get a good idea of where my head's been at for this year. Goodnight, vamps.
By the fucking way, I still make music.
www,soundcloud.com/sun-yehoshua
Gradually
Slowly but surely, I'm learning more about myself
More or so, the things that keep me from being normal.
Normal people have confidence
I have none...Usually.
Always been more of a...I'll attempt to do this, and whatever happens is going to happen.
It's very open minded.
Long term, I'm trying to become more close minded.
Just to live on the other side of life for a bit.
I have my days when I'm on my shit, and I notice it. Everything goes wonderful
But that mindstate only comes a few times a month.
It can be backed up. So it's not that bad.
Conversations go better, sex is better, sports/video games are better too.
Better because I'm winning, of course.
So, my next step is to train myself to always be in this mindstate.
Almost a "I'm the shit" kind of vibe. But not as arrogant...
And less douchey.
Let's see how this goes.
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Also, on
February 2nd, 2014
At 11:59am...or a little before.
Jesus was born 6 years ago.
Wonder.Wonder.Wonder
I like 6.
Part. 3?
Your life will, and has gone through cycles...
Whether you remember it or not...
I'm talking past lives, or something of the sort.
I'm sure that you've all heard how you've gotta go through hell to know heaven...or some other alternative of that quote.
The same goes with your spirit.
It's all a molding process, to make you exactly what you're supposed to be in the afterlife.
There are certain people in life that are put there for the purpose of molding you.
People you cannot stand, people you love and everything inbetween.
The goal is to fufill every possibility from every start.
Therefore, you literally can be...All knowing by time the process is finished.
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You are whatever you are because you are supposed to be it.
If you don't make a particular choice in this lifetime, you have already did it, or you're going to in the "future".
Not everything is within your control, at this moment.
Some things will happen, and you'll just have to deal with it.
Acceptance is a key factor.
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In the same breath, everyone around you, is you in a different period.
Had you gone through the exact same things as the person next to you, you'd be just that...
The person next to you.
Or the one you see on tv?
Yup, that's you...
Under those circumstances.
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Now...
Illusion, or reflection?
May be a part two, I don't know.
To add on to the last post...
It also requires looking past a lot of bullshit...Kissing ass...
Basically throwing away your pride.
There's no room for that until you're rich.
Also, change the taste of music that you're listening to.
See, the kind of music that you want is classical.
However, if you just want plain, ignorant motivation
Mainstream hiphop/Gangster rap
It's been the goal of many black Americans out here.
Get money, fuck bitches.
I assume everyone who's reading this is black or at least have black friends who fit this category.
Only problem is that they never teach you what to do with it aside from buying useless stuff
But that's not a problem for you, that's all you want anyway.
Rock on.
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I already taught y'all how to be depressed, and a bunch of tips for real life/plain ideas to get your imagination going.
I'm a right-brained guy, I don't think I can help it.
You must let your left brain...Male side dominate.
One thing I do know is that I'm no longer complaining.
The world is a business.
Am I just now getting this message? No
Is this the first time I'm publically expressing my thoughts about it, that aren't totally negative? Maybe
See? I'm growing already.
Maybe I'm tired of being called crazy.
Hence, the disguise.
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I literally fit every description of a "why you aren't rich" candidate.
I realize it, and I acknowledge the solution.
The only thing stopping me is my pride.
These idiots are not hard to overcome.
When they have this much of a head start, it's just a little hard to play catch-up.
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This is where I expect to be hit with a nuclear bomb.
So, if things don't go as planned, just know that it's exactly what has been chosen for me.
Onto the next post explaining that last message...